


Tables Turned

by hanorganaas



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-04
Updated: 2011-12-04
Packaged: 2017-10-26 21:10:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/287953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanorganaas/pseuds/hanorganaas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was a difference between him and Sheppard. The Colonel used his strength to get out of a sticky situation; Rodney was going to use his strongest and most effective weapon…his words</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tables Turned

**Author's Note:**

  * For [x_Varda_x](https://archiveofourown.org/users/x_Varda_x/gifts).



Rodney knew he was in trouble. He didn’t know who the hell was holding hostage, his head was throbbing from being wacked across the head, he was sweating but the binds around his wrists and ankles restricted his ability to take off his jacket, and to make matters worse he was on the verge of faint along with having a wave of dizziness and nausea washing over from not eating. At least the chair was a bit comfortable but it didn’t help that he needed a damn bit of food.

The sound of the door opening perked his ears up. Okay who was holding him hostage? Five bucks it was that knife wielding, wraith keeping maniac.

“Pleasure to see you again Doctor McKay,” that annoying voice said.

 _Of course Kolya would have something to do with this_ , Rodney thought rolling his eyes.

“Oh it’s you,” He sneered.

“You don’t need to be so hostile towards me.”

So he’s playing the nice guy game. Rodney knew he was reeling him in, let his guard down so he could easily break him. John, who was in the hot seat before he was, said he did that with him as well before he made him wraith chow. But Rodney took this as an opportunity to use to his advantage.

There was a difference between him and Sheppard. The Colonel used his strength to get out of a sticky situation; Rodney was going to use his strongest and most effective weapon…his words.

“Oh right I should ignore the fact that I am chained to a chair and being held hostage by Lord Voldemort.”

Kolya’s face twisted in confusion just for a moment before shifting back to his normal serious guise.

“I don’t know who this Lord Voldemort is but Doctor McKay I can assure you I don’t carry animosity for you, as I do for Colonel Sheppard. Be sure I will make you as comfortable as possible during your stay.”

“Voldemort says what?”

Rodney could tell Kolya was starting to become annoyed already. It was exactly what he wanted to happen, all part of the plan.

“Look what could I do to make you comfortable to prove to you that my intentions are sincere and not ill.”

“Being kind to me, quit the act you oversized ape, if you had the balls to capture another wraith just feed me to it already.”

“I haven’t managed to capture a wraith since Colonel Sheppard ran off with the other one.”

Rodney furrowed his brow. His usual sarcasm wasn’t working. He thought that would for sure get a rise from the other man. But alas the man quickly gained back his composure after the first verbal strike. It was time to get nastier.

“You know you speak about Colonel Sheppard a lot, do you have a crush on him?”

Again Kolya’s face shifted to that of confusion. It reminded Rodney how much he loved to annoy the Pegasus folk with Earth terms.

“A crush?”

“Are you sexually attracted to Colonel Sheppard?”

Now Kolya didn’t look confused he looked disgusted. His hand began to curl into a fist as he began pacing in front of Rodney’s helpless form. He was getting mad….perfect.

“NO! How dare you make an accusation such as that!”

“Oh come on, I wouldn’t blame you, dark hair, strong jaw and hazel eyes…Doctor Weir is one lucky woman to be dating such a fine creature.”

The Genii commander stopped dead in his tracks the moment the words “Doctor Weir” left Rodney’s lips. But that was not the only thing that occurred, his body language started to change. Instead of relaxed and confident, he began to look tense.

“Doctor Weir’s mate,” He was stumbling over the words now, “is Colonel Sheppard.”

And there it was….what Rodney had been looking for his weakness. He was rather surprised it was Elizabeth, then again those gaga eyes Kolya gave her when he briefly took over Atlantis and the flirtatious tone of voice every time he spoke with her certainly said a lot.

Either way….Elizabeth was Rodney’s ticket out of here.

“Yup, you should see them together….such an adorable couple, like teenagers in high school.”

“How could she date an immature brat like him? She deserves someone on her level, a man who like her is strong and a leader. A man who faces every task with such strength and such spirit.”

“Someone like you?”

“Yes…”

As an impressed gasp left Rodney’s lips, the color started to drain from the Genii commander’s face.

“I mean no!” He quickly corrected himself.

“Don’t correct yourself Acastus,” Rodney said with a teasing grin on his, “you are attracted to Doctor Weir.”

“I’M NOT!”

“Kolya loves Lizzie! Kolya loves-“

Before Rodney could finish his teasing chant, the giant ape shoved some dirty rag, he wouldn’t be surprised if it was the same one he used on Sheppard, into his mouth and tied it at the back of his head before storming towards the door.

Of course Rodney knew gags could effectively stop someone from speaking, but there was one thing they failed to restrict…making noise. Rodney remained quiet until the man was almost out of the room. And then under the gag as loud as he possibly could he murmured:

“Kolya love’s Lizzie!”

The next thing Rodney knew the Genii commander came charging towards him like an approaching hurricane.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

“Incoming wormhole,” Chuck said behind the gate room controls.

Elizabeth, Ronon, John and Teyla stood in front of the gate as it came to life, bracing themselves for the dreaded message Kolya was about to send.

“I swear to god if that bastard does the same thing to Rodney as he did to me,” John said as he curled his hand into a fist, “I swear I’m gonna murder him.”

“I’ll join you,” Ronon said

Elizabeth who stood beside John gently ran her hand up his arm hoping to relax him.

“It won’t,” She simply stated, this time she was prepared to deal with him and not let him break her.

“That’s right Doctor Weir won’t let it happen again,” Teyla added.

But to their shock, it was not a broadcasted message from Kolya. Instead Rodney walked through the gate with nothing but a small gash on his forehead.

“How the fuck were you able to escape?” John asked blinking knowing Rodney while brilliant in science did not have the capacity to plan such a daring bid for freedom like he did just weeks before.

“I didn’t,” Rodney said with a cocky grin on his face, “Kolya let me go.”

“He let you go?” Elizabeth said raising an eyebrow, “considering our history with the man I highly doubt it.”

“Doubt it all you want but it happened.”

“And how did you convince him to release you,” John said folding his arms over his chest.

“Let’s just say you guys aren’t the only ones who are annoyed by the sound of my voice.”


End file.
